The Penney Family

Writing...as in, Barriers To...

December 2 Writing.

What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

Probably other stuff that I insist is more important!! Writing is not too high on my priority list. I wish it was. But if given the choice, I'd rather read! Do yoga! Play with the kids! Work! Okay, that last one was a joke, but is a reality at the present moment. Gotta pay the bills, right?

I set out this year to get my blog up and running again. Alas, it was half-hearted. So I didn't get too far. This stuff though, these prompts, are really really helpful. So Linsey has convinced me to do it with her.

I did a wonderful online course this year with Lisa Gates of She Negotiates that I would recommend to anyone who is in the midst of some soul searching. Prompted journaling, online community, homework, the works. Wow, did I learn a lot. It actually changed my life quite a bit. It opened me up to possibilities, being forced to write like that and to reflect on what I was doing with my time, did it line up with my core values (no!!!), and what I was going to do about it! Attitude. Alignment. Action...there you are again, you A's.

So I guess writing is pretty important to me. But only if it's just for me. I honestly don't want to write for anyone else right now. Too much pressure. That is probably the main thing that stops me from "writing." The anticipation that someone else will read it.

Aha...to eliminate that, I'll just privatize my blog. Really make it just for me. Or not even publish anything. One Note works just fine, thank you. Okay, maybe Linsey can see it.

Aha #2...I just remembered a little site called http://750words.com/...perfect! I think I'll try this out. I copied my first little bit over from One Note, so I guess my "stats" will be a bit off. But that's okay...no need to be perfect, right! Life is too short to retype. Plus, my little guy is sitting in the living room all by himself (Hannah is at the Janeway...sprained wrist or bruised ego? We'll know soon enough...). If I'm going to make "bliss" my new word for 2011, I'd better start praciting with a fabulous cuddle with Sammy. Off I go!! But first, I'll post some interesting information about the first two December prompts, which I had typed into 750words.com:

 
 
 

Later...okay, I gave in and posted this on my blog. No one reads it anyway, so oh well. Will have to get that Linsey to help me with this one day...but for now, I think I'll use 750words.com, just for the pretty charts.

One Word - Evolve

Today I'm starting the annual prompt challenge that Gwen Bell did last year and she is continuing this year. Fun stuff! Linsey did the whole thing last year...writing everyday and all that jazz. I did a couple of posts, and I wish I had done more. I do love reflection, and the end of the year is a great time to do that. So here goes...

December 1 One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

Evolve.

I thought of a lot of other words, believe me, but this one encapsulates my 2010 the best. Other words I thought of: simplify, align (but then there's attitude and action too!!), pitta, learning, Glee, Fly Lady,...so many more. So many of them have to do with yoga and with Ayurveda. I guess because what I'm learning through these practices affect MY. ENTIRE. LIFE.

Yep, evolving is what I've been doing this year. Evolving as a wife, mother, sister, daughter as things ever change, and as I TRY my very best to be kind. Evolving into a new job that has me happier than I've been in a long time. Evolving as a person who is more comfortable with poo (I know...i said poo!), and has begun experimenting with my body like a science experiment. Evolving into composting, juicing, and baking with natural sweeteners. Evolving as I abandon pumice stones and even my beloved Ahava body lotion in lieu of olive oil massage with lavender followed by a hot bath. Evolving into an early-to-bed, (somewhat) early-to-riser. Evolving into practicing so many new yoga poses I never thought I would come close to even attempting. Evolving as a human being, who is experiencing life in a different way that ever before.

Fascinating stuff. It's got me thinking deep thoughts ever day.

For 2011, I would like my word to be bliss. I feel like I'm always striving for more of that...who wouldn't? So that's my plan. Bliss out.

The Stuff That Never Happened

I'm an occasional blogger. It is something that I do enjoy when I make time for it...and usually when my sister has given me a deadline. Like when I did Gwen Bell's Best of 2009 posts. I did a few, okay?? And then I stopped. I ran out of time, or motivation. Or they just fell down my list of priorities. It's unfortunate, because I did really enjoy the reflection that writing those posts afforded me. Capturing my thoughts in that way - what a great little record! It is time consuming though, to reflect on one's experiences, and so I left it behind.

I used to feel guilty when I let these things fall by the wayside, in thier place a bustling family, my almost-daily yoga practice, time with friends, and a hectic work life. But I have decided that my blog is really just for me. I will write here when I feel like it, and usually when my sister has prompted me to do something. And it will be what it is. No pressure.

Okay, a little bit of pressure. Because today is Book Club Day! Linsey has founded this wonderful site called From Left to Write, and she has graciously let me into this marvelous group, full of great writers and bloggers). We have the opportunity to read books together and write about our experience of them. What we think about as we read them. How they affect us. Different than my in-person book club here in St. John's, which is also great...the From Left to Write club is a supplement to that.

So when I read "The Stuff that Never Happened" by Maddie Dawson, I thought a lot about the responsibility to one's own self and to the happiness of others. How do we decide what we focus on? Who we focus on? And when? Does your own happiness and the pursuit of it trump that of others? Is it that airplane safety thing where you have to get your own oxygen mask on before assisting others? Or instead, when we focus on the happiness of others, does that in fact lead us to our own content?

I am starting to think it's the later. As a mommy, this is truly tough. Of course, it's very natural for us to respond to every little yelp from our kids. Like the scene in the book when Annabelle is woken up by her daughter in the middle of the night for a chat:

"'Mom. Mom, wake up. I have to ask you something."

I sit straight up in bed, on my ready-to-jump-in-a-taxi alert. The word Mom has always been able to do that to me - even uttered from five rooms away and in a hoarse whisper, it can jolt me out of the deepest sleep. I think of it like the special red phone in the White House. 

So we have that issue. It's in our instincts, and it's crucial that we have that. And at a certain point, we have to start taking care of ourselves a little bit so we have energy to send back into the universe. This was my primary goal, in fact, when I started doing yoga again. When I do yoga every day, I just feel better. I have more patience. I am clearer. Good, right?

While I was reading "The Stuff that Never Happened," I also was (am still) reading "How Yoga Works," by Gesme Michael Roach and Christie McNally. Several revelations ensued. I am recommending this book right, left, and center. Utterly fascinating and simple things. And it's a novel! A section I just read describes how the way to break up the blockages in the body from the inside (as opposed to from the outside, but this is a bit complicated, you'll have to read the book!) compassion is the way to do it. And compassion requires that you take someone else's pain away, even to the point of taking it on yourself. And once you take away their pain, then you give something to them, even giving them something that is most valuable to you.

These are the things I'm thinking about, as I read these books, as I try to have patience with my children amidst the craziness, as I practice on my own and within the kula, as I pursue the education of this existence.

So as I make my daily choices, the ones that add up to big moments and events and pathways that hook me to my life and those of others, I have the freedom to make up my life in whatever way works. It might be with "stuff that never happened," it might be hard at times, I may have to create things out of nothing. What a delight life is.

**Note: As a member of From Left to Write, I disclose that I received this book for free, and that this is not a review of the book.  

#best2009 ~ 4. best book...or books

I've always been a fiction girl. So my habits in 2009 surprised me a little bit. I found myself reading all kinds of books that I would never have picked up.  Even at the end of the day, when I normally would lose myself in a made-up world or the life of a character, I would lull myself to sleep with the bits of facts, suggestions, and mantras of the non-fiction world. I guess it started with "The Art of Extreme Self-Care," by Cheryl Richardson.

This book was selected by the women's group at my company as our first book club selection. I read it mostly in our new Lazy Spa hot tub over the summer, on the odd morning after the kids had gone to school and I had some time before my meetings started. A bit of a hokey title, but this was the book that led to my epiphany of the year, which I'll get into in #26 Aha! Moment.

After I read this book, I started to pick up other types of books that were mostly aimed at contemplation of myself and the people around me. For work, yes. But also for my family. I stumbled upon Rachel Simmon's "Curse of the Good Girl" and felt I was reading about myself when I digested the stories of teenage girls overcome by the pressure and desire to be "perfect," completely fearful of what a mistake or failure would mean. I see this pattern already starting in my 6-year-old daughter, and I'm so glad I read this book now so that I can help her to be more accepting of mistakes and of herself. Rather than be a "good" girl, I have hopes that she can be a "real" girl and that I can be a "real" mother.

Around this time, I also learned of a book called "Kids are Worth it: Giving Your Child The Gift of Inner Discipline" by Barbara Coloroso. Very interesting, indeed. It has changed the way I treat my children (with trust and dignity). Instead of constantly rescuing them from their mistakes, I try my best to give them ownership for their mistakes and to help them fix the problem, if they need help. Wow, they have been impressed with how they can recover from set backs. It's pretty cool.

"Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children" absolutely floored me. Written by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman, this book looks at a lot of the myths of parenthood and examines scientific research to support or refute them. The main point I took from this book was that children are NOT like adults. What works for us will not work for them. My favorite chapters were the first one  - why you shouldn't tell your kids they are smart (okay, it's not quite that black and white, but very interesting...read it!!), and the chapters about why kids lie and rebel.

I now follow most of these authors on Twitter, and am loving that I can keep the information from these books fresh in this way.

 

These parenting and self-care books are like the books I read about sleep and infant development when my children were very small. I take from them what I want and what will work for my family and I leave the rest. I find that parenting is, in a lot of ways, much more challenging now than when the kids were small. Now, they can physically take care of a lot of their needs. But emotionally? That is much tougher.  

#best09 ~ 3. the article that blew me away

Not sure if this really qualifies as an "article," cuz I think of those as short little snippets. And at approximately 400 pages, The Shriver Report is certainly not a snippet. But it's online, it's free, and it's non-fiction. It was my selection for a professional book club at my company in early December. So I read it over Thanksgiving. In fact, my parents also read it over Thanksgiving. And my sister. And I talked about it with everyone who wasn't reading it. It was that interesting.

Some things that I learned from this publication, which discusses the fact that women now make up a full half of the payroll in the US for the first time in history:

• Women are increasingly becoming the primary breadwinners in families.
• Traditonal families (where the husband works and the wife stays at home) is the minority, at around 20%.
• Women STILL make about 25% less money than men for the same work.
• What attracts a woman most to her husband = level of housework he does. What attracts a man most to his wife = level of sex they have. So...more housework by men leads to more sex!! Who knew?
• Men ARE doing more caregiving and housework, but their employers still assume that they have a full-time, free worker at home to take care of things. This results in a double strain put on most dual-income families.
• The impact of these changes are hitting health care, faith organizations, educational organizations, marriages, children, etc. in many different ways, and corporations/government do not have policies in place to handle it. Not even close.  

This report started my reading into the area of work+life. I never even knew there WAS such a field! How exciting! There is a lot of work ahead of all of us to improve things for families all of kinds who are constantly doing the juggling act of work and life.

#best2009 ~ 1. Best Trip

Gwen Bell's Best of 2009 Blog Challenge was held in December. Okay, I'm late. But I think it's such a great way to look back on a year, especially as I'm contemplating the new decade and what resolutions will come (or not come). So I'll see what I can knock out. Here is #1: Best trip of 2009

Lots of trips this year. Lots of memories to choose from. We had a very nice trip to Kilmory Resorts for Valentines Day, and this is one that we will repeat. Cheap, close, and easy. Beautiful when surrounded by snow. Choaticly lovely when accompanied by another active and social family. One of the things about living in St. John's, Newfoundland is that it can be isolating...not much to do that doesn't require getting on a plane for a change of scenery. So this retreat was nice in so many ways. Mark and I...we need to be forced to relax sometimes. Being in a 12 x 18 cabin with only friends, food, and drink around does that for us.

Nice trip...but best trip? I would be remiss if I did not say our summer trip to Cape Cod. First time there. Spent two weeks. So much to say here that I could fill pages. Here are my short take-aways from the trip:

• Eating ice cream every day as a rule on vacation is a good thing (but one you will pay for later).

Mark was only able to join us for one week of the trip. When he left, the Mommies (Linsey and I) laid down the new ground rules. We had about 5. They were things like listening, using words, being respectful with manners, cleaning up after yourself, etc. And the last one was that we all *must* eat ice cream every day. Hey, it's the rule! Guess we have to!
Linsey's and my favorite was found at the Ice Cream Sandwich in Sandwich, MA...here it is, in all it's glory. Yes, I am still trying to drop the 5 pounds I gained due to this rule, but am I glad we indulged? I am. 
  

Conflict is minimized at the beach.

We tried to hit the beach at Snake Pond at least every other day. Our friends Jen and Steve live right across the street, so it was so very convenient. We packed a lunch of yummy wraps (often made with my favorite Rice and Bean salad), sandwiches, fruit, snacks, and oh...wine. The kids frolicked in the water all day long. I taught Hannah and Emily how to do back flips while pushing off from my knees. Sam and Ben were surf dudes on the wake boards. Lily, Ava, and the other girls played mermaid. The ice cream truck arrived at 1pm (see first item above). Perfection. When you have 5 kids in tow (or more!), it sure is nice when everyone can get along.

Sam is an early bird.

My 4-year-old wakes up with the sun. Which is nice when you're trying to get to school on time. Not so nice when there is a slumber party room and the adults other children are trying to get some much-needed shut-eye.  After several days of Sam waking up and saying "Hey guys!!" at 6am, Linsey got up and wandered like a zombie downstairs. She said to Mark and me, "Is it wrong to hate them?" (jokingly, of course). From then on, Sam slept on his own. Maybe he will be allowed back in the slumber party room when he is 6.

Kids can walk 3 miles when there is a treasure hunt involved.

Linsey, Mark, and I found a great running route that went through our little neighborhood, down to the beach, across the boardwalk, through another little historic neighborhood, down the streets of downtown Sandwich, and back to our beach house.

"Wow, wouldn't the kids love this?" we would say to each other? But they would never make it. The complaining we heard just walking the half mile down to the beach was unreal. So Mark drew an amazing pirate map. We made a list of items that they needed to find. We packed provisions. It took us about 4 hours, but we had tons of fun. And only a few piggyback rides were involved.

 
  

• Toys are nothing compared to a cardboard box.

The beach house we moved into did not come equipped with many toys. Just a twister game, some crayons, and a golf putting set. Linsey and I thought the kids might be entertained with a few more toys. I don't know why, but we were sucked in by this idea. Each of the kids got to pick something. I don't really remember what they picked. But what I DO remember is that the toys played a backseat to an ordinary cardboard box that we had at the house. Do you realize how many things you can do with a cardboard box? It can be a boat, a tunnel, a house, whatever you want!!! Why do we continue to buy things for our children in hopes that this will make them happy? It's the ordinary and simple things that inspire and expand a child's mind.  
 

• Anything can be fun and everything is conquerable.

Many of our adventures were stumbled into when we made a wrong turn or made some other mistake. By embracing the change of events instead of getting upset about it, we were able to roll with life and ended up doing WONDERFUL things that never would have happened otherwise. Case in point: Finding downtown Falmouth, where we enjoyed the best playground on the planet...
...and sampled some quaint Cape Cod Americana via dining and shopping.

And one of the most important lessons of the trip...

• When you take vacation, REALLY take vacation.

This was the first time in a long, long time that I actually did not work while on vacation. What a concept!! I had to stick my neck out on this one and take a stand, because my company has been crunched in this economy like all others, and there has been tremendous pressure on everyone to work more, work harder, just get it done! Lots of people cancelled vacations, worked weekends for months and months, and got really burned out (including me). Through all of this, I have concluded that people do not work most productively when they don't give themselves permission to rest and rejuvinate.

 

Finding balance between good work and good rest became a new mission for me in 2009, and will fuel some of my work in 2010. Cape Cod was the first time that I tried to rediscover what it means to be idle. I started to accept that being idle and lazy is not the vice I once thought it was, but rather is a means to accomplishing more in life. Reading, talking with friends and family, enjoying good food and wine, watching life go by...this was what Cape Cod turned into. Time well spent.

Bermuda Girls Trip

Hannah and I went to Bermuda last week, and we had such a wonderful time. I decided to just take Hannah for a number of reasons: (1) Mark could not get the time off and he likes me to travel with one kid so he can just worry about the other one, (2) all of my friends who were going to be in Bermuda at that time were bringing their kids and I didn't want to feel left out J, (3) I know how much Hannah loves to swim, bask in the sun, fly on airplanes, etc. (she seems to have my travel bug), and (4) I thought Sammy would not really "get" the fact that he was missing out on a fun trip, since he's only 23 months old.

So off we went on our Bermuda GIRLS trip!

Mark and I met in Bermuda and it's been 8 (omg…8!!!) years since we left the island. It's been 3 years since we last visited. Times have changed a LOT. We still have several friends who still live there, and several other friends came to visit at the same time we were there. These friends and I all used to party until all hours of the night, recover on the beaches on the weekends, work our tails off in our professions, spend all kinds of money on ourselves…you know, all the things you can do before children come along and suck all that freedom, energy, and money out of you. Pretty much everyone now has one or two kids. Hannah is one of the oldest at 4 and ½, and the youngest is around 5 months old. Life is fairly crazy for everyone now. I actually felt very relaxed as I vacationed with my "big girl" and watched the other mommies and daddies chase their babies and toddlers over the pink-sanded creation that is Bermuda. It is comforting to realize that even my most organized and pulled-together friends can be frazzled by a child's demands. It's not that I want them to be frazzled. It just gave me a bond with them that I had not had before. We are all parents now, and our days are a mix of frenzy and delight that is unique to the short baby and toddler years. I'm glad we are all sharing in it together.

Here are some pictures of friends who are near and dear to me. It was GREAT to see all of them!!

The Bermuda residents entertained all of the visitors in style…Hannah and I had dinner plans nearly every night!

First, there was the yummy BBQ at Sarah's house on Saturday. The kids swam in the pool and then relaxed with hot dogs and cupcakes.

On Sunday, the girls threw a baby-in-waiting brunch for Julie at Ariel Sands (during which these exciting things happened: first, we saw Michael Douglas, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and their children lunching a few tables over…his family owns Ariel Sands, and second, Hannah completely entertained herself for 3 hours with the lovely monogrammed LL Bean tote filled with crafts from Sarah and Melissa & Doug stamps from Tina…you guys are too good!!).

Emily, Mike, Tina, and I all enjoyed salmon and a lemon torte from Miles Market that night. Hannah took a tremendous liking to Emily (who wouldn't?), who taught her how to draw a puppy dog face and play high five ("Up high, down low, too slow!!"), and generally entertained her with her delicious wit. I know Hannah will love to play with Em's girls, Gwyn and Dot, when we make it down to NY for a visit!

On Tuesday, Julie and Cary hosted the crowd for Italian (my fav…) and the kids enjoyed playing on their immense driveway with various ride-on toys. Hannah left that event with a lovely new purse and bracelet making supplies from Jules…so cute! She'll have to grow a bit to fit into her new Bermuda t-shirt, but she loves it!!

On Wednesday, we had another girls meal…the annual birthday dinner, held at Ascots. Mike babysat for Hannah that night, and was inducted into the 2-kid-dinner-and-bedtime club (I knew it would go well when he suggested fish eyes for dinner, which sent Hannah into fits of laughter).

Mike and Tina hosted a fajita dinner for the crowd on Thursday, and we had to say goodbye to the Pares and the Williams, who all departed on Friday.

The week was finished off with dinner with Mike, Tina, and Cooper at La Trattoria ("The Tratt"), a fondly remember lunch and pre-party venue from our time in Bermuda. We even enjoyed the traditional "chicken" of red wine. Very nostalgic indeed. We topped it all off with ice cream from Double Dip on Front Street. One the walk down, Hannah needed to make a bathroom stop, so we ducked into Fresco's (the former Chancery Wine Bar), and it was just as I remembered it. It was really nice to be downtown in the evening. Eight years has gone by way too fast.

As for activities, we did do several fun things, including shopping in Hamilton, taking a horse-and-carriage ride, attending Baby Boot Camp with other mommies and kids, and going to an amazing coffee shop called "TEN," the likes of which Bermuda has never seen. I had to take some shots of that to show to Mark.

By far though, my most memorable times were spent in the lovely waters of Bermuda and on the scrumptious beaches. The sand is indescribably soft and beautiful. Swimming there made me so nostalgic for the time Mark and I lived there. Hannah, who is getting to be quite the swimmer, enjoyed it so much. Mike and Tina, our hosts for the week, are lucky enough to live right on the water, and there is a little jungle path you can take down from their house to a spot on the beach. There is a little swimming hole surrounded by rocks…very protected…that was just perfect for Hannah ("No sharks can get in here, Mommy, cuz they're too big!"). We saw cute little tropical fish there too, which made it all the more fun. We went there about 3 times, and it was so peaceful. And lovely to have time to myself in such an environment with my beautiful little girl.

On another day, we took the pink-and-blue bus down to Horseshoe Bay on South Shore. Another great spot. The "baby beach" (Port Royal Bay) was another perfect area for Hannah, as she could swim around freely in the protected cove. She quickly made friends with some kids from one of the cruise ships in port, and she built sand castles and played "Ariel" with them. I could have stayed there with Hannah all day long. It was hard to pull her away…

Saturday, our day of departure, came all too soon (though Hannah was really missing her daddy and little brother, as was I). On our way to the airport, Tina gave us a tour of the caves at Grotto Bay, where she used to work, which was quite fun. Then we waved goodbye to our friends and headed back to St. John's.

Our week was one big long sun soak before the Fall days kick in here in Canada. Maybe we'll have to go back in the Spring…

This is my....

Sam has been learning about his body parts, and it's just so cute. We say, "Sam, where's your belly?" and he promptly pulls up his shirt to show us. He also knows head, eyes, nose, hair, ears, knees, toes, and his favorite, "bum bum" (he pats his bum a few times when saying this one...so cute)! Here are Hannah and Daddy helping him with his 2,000 parts.

First BBQ of the Season

We spent a LOT of time outside this weekend. We finally had some good weather (well, it was pretty good...warmer anyway...still not a lot of sunshine), so we enjoyed ourselves outside with friends on this May 24th weekend.

Here are some pics of Hannah writing the letter "S" all over the backyard, Sam riding with friends Katie and Luke in the wagon, the kids enjoying the slide (Hannah, Anna, and Camilla made slide trains), and Mark with the first juicy hamburger off his shiny new BBQ.

First Dance Recital

Hannah had her very first dance recital this Friday. She and the rest of the dancers from the School of Dance put on great show at the Arts and Culture Center. But first things first...we had to go get her hair put into a "ballet bun" several hours before the show. So we did that with her friend Anna, and that was lots of fun. Hannah was the bobby pin helper. The girls even got to wear a little stage makeup! Then we went to Dominion to meet up with fellow dancer Sarah and get some pictures take while everyone looked somewhat put together. The girls were beautiful, if a tad rambuctious (major understatement). Excitement was definitely in the air...add that to 5pm hunger pangs and normal end-of-day crankiness, and it creates chaos, but you'd never know it, as the pictures turned out beautifully. They all practiced their dancing during the pics. Then it was off to grab a bite to eat and to the auditorium! The girls played with Polly Pockets and other toys while they waited for their turn to perform. They danced to "Any Dream Will Do," from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and it was just so cute. They started out in their robes, waking up from a nap. There were little clouds on sticks for them to wave around, and each girl did a tiny solo in their line. I think there were over 20 of them on stage. Luckily, I had my tissues handy. Hannah seems like such a big girl to Mark and I now, but seeing her little group up there after the older girls had performed...well, she's still a baby really! There were lots of "awwhhhhs" from the audience to add to our own. The night was topped off by a visit to Dairy Queen for an ice cream sundae, of course! We all had a great time, and we're already looking forward to next year's performance!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com